Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Stats Study Session

I wouldn’t want to live on the 14th floor. If there’s a fire, you’re dead. Those stairs?
Take the elevator.
What if the fire surrounds the elevator?
You’ve got a couple of hours.
And when the oxygen runs out?
Then you’re fucked.
We’re on the 11th floor right now.
We ARE fucked.
How long does it take to die from a drug overdose?
What kind of drug?
I'd rather die from that than from burning to death.
The quickest way to die?
Getting shot in the head.
If it hits the brain stem, you're gone. No pain.
Well, maybe.
An out of body experience.
WE HAVE A MATH MIDTERM.
What would you do if you knew you were going to die?
Like cancer or AIDs?
Or if someone told you, when you first became self aware, that you were going to die in exactly 8 years.
We don't know for sure when we'll die.
If we did, I would worry about it all the time.
But since we don't, you can't.
True.
You know what would suck even more? Alzheimers. Memory loss.
Like 50 First Dates? Can't make new memories?
That would be horrible. Well, not for the person, but for everyone else around that person.
Life is a collection of memories; without memories, we don't have life.
What is life without memories? Erase your memories, and your world disappears.
Can you remember when you were ever truly happy?
No.
When you were 3?
No, I don't remember.
That's probably when you were happy.
Once you're self aware, you realize the world is so crappy that there's nothing really to truly be happy about.
And when you think that you're happy?
An illusion.
I believe in reincarnation; in a previous life I was a poor person.
Why poor?
Now I'm up in middle class. Maybe next life I'll be richer.
Or life is like a matrix. Once you're dead, you exit from it.
Doesn't that contradict the reincarnation thing?
Yeah, but I'm just saying.
Tomorrow's test is death.
But really, in the larger scope of things, how important is that test? Not very.
In 50 years, are you going to say, hey why did I not get an A on that test? No.
1 million years, whats the world going to be like?
Death. Destruction.
5 million? If the world ends?
I see my grave exploding; obviously I wouldn't be around.
If earth collapsed, my grave would too.
And that would make our lives even more insignificant.
Like, what we do has no impact on how the world will ever be, if it all ends.
I think life is about making an impact on the people around you.
What's wrong with being mediocre? What if mediocre is what I want?
Seriously.
What if I told my parents "What if I want to be just like you?"
They'd *smack*
You know that movie, Revolutionary Road? I wanted to see it because it was about a struggle between mediocrity and greatness.
I think being mediocre is fine.
I hate chasing grades.
In high school, if I'd gotten a B, I would've cried.
I was like that in 9th grade too.
And last semester, I looked at my grades, and I didn't feel anything.
Me neither.
I didn't care anymore. I mean, I kind of did, but the result? It didn't make me cry.
I want to care. But somehow, I just can't.
A is average.
Did you see the youtube video?
No.
"A is average. B is bad. C is crap. D is death. F is fucked"
The grading scale for Asians.
Democracy is overrated. Look at the CA budget crisis. That one guy who voted no? Not because he cared for the state, but it would hurt his chance of reelection.
Bastard.
It's a mess.
You know how in China, its a communism government, but a lot of people in the middle class live in capitalism?
I don't think that would be too bad.
Democracy is great, and I'm sure we take a lot of it for granted, but...
Does the government really affect your day-to-day life, with the freedoms and all of that?
I mean, honestly if you lived a 9-5 job, being mediocre, is it really that bad to live in China?
You have pretty much the same luxuries from capitalism.
I'm not saying communism is all good, but there is a good side.
Sometimes I think it's easier to go through life without questioning things.
China owns 20% of the US.
We should move there when things here start accelerating downhill.
Yeah.
I stopped asking why, like for this math probability? I stopped asking why the equations were like this.
Exactly! Don't ask why, just ACCEPT THAT IT IS SO.
That's kind of like communism.
Is it?
Well, they tell you to accept things and to not question.
But I'm making a choice to accept it.
I'm pro-choice everything.
What's exactly the purpose of our lives right now?
I feel like everyday I get up and go to school to pursue something I don't even know if I want to pursue.
Just working towards something.
Means to an end.
What is the end? Isn't it just death?
We spend more than 20 years of our lives in school.
For what?
I'd rather be working right now.
At least you get paid to work.
We pay to go to school.
So we're working towards death.
That isn't the goal, but it is the end, which is kind of like a goal.
20 years.
1/5th if you live to 100
Less if not.
I don't want to live past a point where I can't do basic functions.
Like in a nursing home?
Yeah. I mean, I'm sure their kids love them and all that, but really? They are a burden.
Nursing homes make me sad.
All the seniors look so lonely and bored, and when their children come to see them, they get a little happier.
But when they leave, its back to salmon colored walls and Jello.
Makes me want to cry.
I don't want to be lonely like that.
I don't want to grow old.
But then you outlive all your friends and family, which I think is worse.
I don't want to die either.
But you don't tangibly remember death. As an event, you won't be able to "think" about it once it is done and relive it.
So there's nothing to be afraid of.
You might remember the process of dying though.
Knowing that you're going to die really soon, but not exactly when.
I wish I knew what my life will be like.
You know how when you go on wikipedia they tell you someone's life story?
So you want to Wikipedia yourself?
Yes. I did this at this age, that at that age, and etc.
I wish I knew too.
But what if what we found out was bad?
We wouldn't want to live, but had to.
Or you could make choices leading away from the bad things.
What if it was predestined that those bad things would happen?
What if you knew but couldn't change it?
The beauty of not knowing means the beauty of not worrying.
If I knew I was going to die, I would do a lot of things that I'm not right now.
Too bounded by responsibility.
What makes you get up in the morning?
Fear of disappointing others.
I hated that how sometimes teachers would say "you're going to do great things!"
And I was scared that I would disappoint them.
What's wrong with being content with mediocre?
What does contentment even mean?
Are we ever content? or happy?

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