First semester of college is effectively over. One more final remains - and I will be done with calculus FOREVER - something I thought would occur upon graduation.
And my thoughts about college life so far?
The internet is an evil evil torturous device and Facebook is a drug that siphons all the time out of your life. Did I mention addicting? As of now, I have not been on Facebook for TWO DAYS. Seems like an eternity already, and TWO days doesn't seem like a lot. But for someone who was on the site multiple and lengthy times each day, TWO days is a long time. It had gotten so bad to the point where my fingers would instinctively repeat a pattern of keys ("Click" address bar, press "F", press the "down" key, press "Enter") without my consciously knowing it.
*New Year's Resolution: Check FACEBOOK in moderation, preferably only when I need to respond to somebody's comment. Otherwise, NO NO NO extracurricular Facebooking.
Coffee doesn't work. Caffeine can really screw up your system - within the span of one day, I had two grande BLACK coffees, and I can still remember the acidity... At first, I could feel the effects of staying awake during class, but tolerance builds, and I distinctly remember falling asleep in my political science lecture with a cup of coffee in my hands.
*New Year's Resolution: GO TO SLEEP EARLIER and rely less on coffee. Return to coffee because I want it, not because I need it.
It's really really easy to screw up priorities. Sadly for me, studying, and I mean, REALLY studying, was not one of them. Needless to say, first semester of college does not parallel first semester of high school. Too many distractions - events, two hour dinners, half hour walks to and from dining halls, FOOTBALL games - turned my priority list upside down. And not to mention that I don't do HALF the things other people do - I have to say, I really admire how they can balance so well.
*New Year's Resolution: RESET PRIORITIES. Each class will be given a designated day and time for which to study, without fail. Go above and beyond the minimum (I tried to do this first few weeks of college, and then realized I just couldn't anymore.), actually try to INTERNALIZE what I'm learning (I've been academic bulimic too), and FOCUS on why I'm here.
Dorm food can be good, will most likely be edible, and sometimes it's just plain NOT good food. 50grand, and students can't get consistently good food. Buffet style dining has its perks, and definitely has its downsides. There is truth to the term "eyes bigger than your stomach" - you might pile heaps of food onto your plate and half way through it, you realize you're already full. Still, you might plow ahead as to not "waste" food. And then, because no meal is complete without something sweet, you get a bowl of fruit, a yogurt cone, or (i hope not) a dessert.
*New Year's Resolution: Eat more vegetables. Stay away from heavy cream sauces and soups. Eat less meat and more fish. And again, only one dessert per week, if at all...
The Lyon center is right in front of my face everyday. Yet, it takes intense motivation for me to even set foot into it. It's the usual excuses - too tired, too much work, too much studying. Can't get up early enough to go in the morning, and usually after dinner, nobody wants to go to the gym. During the day, I will have either classes or work, back to back for hours, so no time to gym either. YET if I was motivated enough to get up early, say at 7am, and go to the gym, before my 9:30 - 10am classes mtwth, that would actually work.
*New Year's Resolution: Get up earlier to go to the gym???????????
And the last one:
*New Year's Resolution: I will admit - I love to take pictures. Of people. Of people and me. And so as I've amassed about 800 USC photos from first semester, I realize that I need to curb picture taking... at this rate, I will either (a) run out of space on my hardrive, or (b) fall into a deeper hole of self-pictureism. Neither is a good thing.
Finally:
-grades are important
-studying is important
-going to class and staying awake is important
-to all those movies/books who claim students should sleep with a professor to get an A - LIES! the TAs do all the work...
-Working a job is important - those extra dollars come in handy
-Keeping in touch with old friends is important
-Not to say that making new friends isn't as equally important
-Meeting friends in class is hard, especially in a class of 200. But it IS doable
And there it is - first semester is over!!!
Friday, December 12, 2008
Sunday, September 21, 2008
One Month
At college and it feels nice.
The biggest perk is the freedom. Freedom to do whatever I want whenever, to make my own decisions, and to not be responsible to anybody else except myself. I can stay up late, get up early, make tea or not, walk to dining halls for food or not, study or not, listen to music or not. Time is now only mine, no one else's, and I decide what I want to spend it on or who I want to spend it with.
College is big, different, a little intimidating (I liken it to being a small fish in a big pond). It seems to me to be a lonely place, lonely souls seeking to meet other lonely souls through clubs, organizations, fraternities, and sororities. Time is longer. Classes are larger, different, clock-less, but more flexible.
The internet is a curse and a blessing. Now that I have all the time in a day to be online. Of course, that's time well spent somewhere else, like on a paper due in a few days...
Do I miss home? Sure. It's nice to come home. But if I didn't come home so often?
I think I'd survive just as well.
The biggest perk is the freedom. Freedom to do whatever I want whenever, to make my own decisions, and to not be responsible to anybody else except myself. I can stay up late, get up early, make tea or not, walk to dining halls for food or not, study or not, listen to music or not. Time is now only mine, no one else's, and I decide what I want to spend it on or who I want to spend it with.
College is big, different, a little intimidating (I liken it to being a small fish in a big pond). It seems to me to be a lonely place, lonely souls seeking to meet other lonely souls through clubs, organizations, fraternities, and sororities. Time is longer. Classes are larger, different, clock-less, but more flexible.
The internet is a curse and a blessing. Now that I have all the time in a day to be online. Of course, that's time well spent somewhere else, like on a paper due in a few days...
Do I miss home? Sure. It's nice to come home. But if I didn't come home so often?
I think I'd survive just as well.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Summer is leaving me
empty minded this year. It's the 23nd of July, which means I have LESS THAN a MONTH before I move out of my old life. Or move into my new one. Depending on how you look at it.
Time is ticking away, slipping through my fingers, and like all summers, I'm trying desperately to catch air with my bare hands. But this summer is different. It's the end of my childhood (which, contrary to belief, did NOT end on my 18th birthday). It's the REAL end to high school, and I think that the end of this summer deserves more tears than graduation.
I suppose the key word that sums up my attitude/mood/sadness would be apprehension. This is the feeling that never settled in because I always had so much going on. Before graduation, I was like everyone else: "Yes! We're graduating! Leaving high school! Forever!" And then graduation came. Fireworks, speeches, diplomas. Then graduation pictures and hanging out with friends. And suddenly it seemed as if my time was cut short when I left for USC orientation, and HK/Thailand immediately after that. Upon returning, time seems to have stretched and shrunk at the same time. I can't believe it's only been a week since I got back, yet it seems like I have so little time left. To be caught on this bridge empty minded is a weird feeling. For the first time (in my life) I feel caught off guard, unprepared, ill-equipped. It's hard to describe this feeling, which seems to have been compounded by the number of chick flicks I've ingested over the past few days.
Yesterday I watched Elizabethtown with Orlando Bloom and Kirsten Dunst and Emma, an A&E rendition of Jane Austen's novel. Both movies didn't have that happy, feel-good mood to them. The first one reminded me strongly of Garden State, which was an excellent movie, but this one left me somewhat sad and depressed. And Emma, as a classic romance novel/movie, it also left me feeling strange. Maybe it was the whole apprehension for college thing, or maybe it was the ticking time, but those movies didn't leave me optimistic and hopeful at all (even though they should have). Still, watching these chick flicks made me come to a conclusion that love isn't always at first sight, or physical attraction, or any of those things that Hollywood comes up with. And then the murky area of love vs. in love with someone. Where does the line appear? Is there even a difference between the two? Can it be one or the other, but not both? I always thought I wouldn't be the person to settle for ordinary when there was extraordinary out there (as per "This is the Last Time" by Keane), but I've come to realize that maybe extraordinary grows from something ordinary. Once passion falls apart or gives into the daily pressure of actually living with another person, I think that companionship and respect and caring makes love into what it is. The definition of love is such a murky and gray area that I'm getting so many different definitions from different sources, and not knowing the what it means or what it should mean bothers me much...
Time is ticking away, slipping through my fingers, and like all summers, I'm trying desperately to catch air with my bare hands. But this summer is different. It's the end of my childhood (which, contrary to belief, did NOT end on my 18th birthday). It's the REAL end to high school, and I think that the end of this summer deserves more tears than graduation.
I suppose the key word that sums up my attitude/mood/sadness would be apprehension. This is the feeling that never settled in because I always had so much going on. Before graduation, I was like everyone else: "Yes! We're graduating! Leaving high school! Forever!" And then graduation came. Fireworks, speeches, diplomas. Then graduation pictures and hanging out with friends. And suddenly it seemed as if my time was cut short when I left for USC orientation, and HK/Thailand immediately after that. Upon returning, time seems to have stretched and shrunk at the same time. I can't believe it's only been a week since I got back, yet it seems like I have so little time left. To be caught on this bridge empty minded is a weird feeling. For the first time (in my life) I feel caught off guard, unprepared, ill-equipped. It's hard to describe this feeling, which seems to have been compounded by the number of chick flicks I've ingested over the past few days.
Yesterday I watched Elizabethtown with Orlando Bloom and Kirsten Dunst and Emma, an A&E rendition of Jane Austen's novel. Both movies didn't have that happy, feel-good mood to them. The first one reminded me strongly of Garden State, which was an excellent movie, but this one left me somewhat sad and depressed. And Emma, as a classic romance novel/movie, it also left me feeling strange. Maybe it was the whole apprehension for college thing, or maybe it was the ticking time, but those movies didn't leave me optimistic and hopeful at all (even though they should have). Still, watching these chick flicks made me come to a conclusion that love isn't always at first sight, or physical attraction, or any of those things that Hollywood comes up with. And then the murky area of love vs. in love with someone. Where does the line appear? Is there even a difference between the two? Can it be one or the other, but not both? I always thought I wouldn't be the person to settle for ordinary when there was extraordinary out there (as per "This is the Last Time" by Keane), but I've come to realize that maybe extraordinary grows from something ordinary. Once passion falls apart or gives into the daily pressure of actually living with another person, I think that companionship and respect and caring makes love into what it is. The definition of love is such a murky and gray area that I'm getting so many different definitions from different sources, and not knowing the what it means or what it should mean bothers me much...
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Where are the tears?
So, I think I've fallen in love again with writing on a blog even if it's only me that's reading this.
Today I got a twinge of tears for graduation, induced by a "great job" and a "thank you for meeting the deadline" on my speech. It's weird that that should be the trigger for tears (but it wasn't even really real tears, just a slight sniffle and a twinge of my nose). But I guess now it's starting to slowly dawn on me that I'm leaving. I'M LEAVING.
Last year, I started crying even if it wasn't my turn to leave. But this year, I feel strangely hollow and unemotional. When I think about graduation, I think of a ceremony and nothing more. When I think about signing yearbooks, I think of the entries, but not of the meaning that those are the LAST high school entries, ever! When I think about college, it's just this big thing, that's bigger than me or anything I could have ever encountered in high school, and it's just THERE.
I can't get myself all worked up, even though I probably should. It's abnormal to feel so hollow, so unfeeling, so empty.... but right now, with less than a week to go, graduation is just a date, just a night, just people in caps and gowns.
Today I got a twinge of tears for graduation, induced by a "great job" and a "thank you for meeting the deadline" on my speech. It's weird that that should be the trigger for tears (but it wasn't even really real tears, just a slight sniffle and a twinge of my nose). But I guess now it's starting to slowly dawn on me that I'm leaving. I'M LEAVING.
Last year, I started crying even if it wasn't my turn to leave. But this year, I feel strangely hollow and unemotional. When I think about graduation, I think of a ceremony and nothing more. When I think about signing yearbooks, I think of the entries, but not of the meaning that those are the LAST high school entries, ever! When I think about college, it's just this big thing, that's bigger than me or anything I could have ever encountered in high school, and it's just THERE.
I can't get myself all worked up, even though I probably should. It's abnormal to feel so hollow, so unfeeling, so empty.... but right now, with less than a week to go, graduation is just a date, just a night, just people in caps and gowns.
Sunday, June 08, 2008
Miss
I no longer have a dilemma of choices --- I chose what I think is fate for me and that's that.
Senior year is drawing to a close, and my high school career is over too. Ending the year on a very high note, a happy note, and a bit of a sad note. I'm going to miss all the fun, especially over the past year. I'm going to miss all the things that I can't put into words or online. I'm going to miss laughing and having fun, and I'm going to miss the stomachaches that come with laughing so hard. I'm going to miss taking random pictures and passing notes in class. I'm going to miss falling asleep to certain lectures. I'm going to miss the drama and the fun and the happy and the lonely and the tears and the music and the dancing and the film and the movies and the food and the coffee and the grades and the tests and the physics projects and the failures and the history tests.
I want fun in college and hard classes and new friends and winning football games and spirit games and concerts and new foods. Four years will go by so fast again, and I want things after that too. But maybe, for another day...
Senior year is drawing to a close, and my high school career is over too. Ending the year on a very high note, a happy note, and a bit of a sad note. I'm going to miss all the fun, especially over the past year. I'm going to miss all the things that I can't put into words or online. I'm going to miss laughing and having fun, and I'm going to miss the stomachaches that come with laughing so hard. I'm going to miss taking random pictures and passing notes in class. I'm going to miss falling asleep to certain lectures. I'm going to miss the drama and the fun and the happy and the lonely and the tears and the music and the dancing and the film and the movies and the food and the coffee and the grades and the tests and the physics projects and the failures and the history tests.
I want fun in college and hard classes and new friends and winning football games and spirit games and concerts and new foods. Four years will go by so fast again, and I want things after that too. But maybe, for another day...
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