peace

i used to hurt when your name
fell from another's lips
heart used to cringe inside
when i watch you give happiness to someone else
but from where i sit today
i see

a calming breeze blows across my face
as i hear your name again and again
heart at peace in this wide open space
my Earth doesn't orbit around you anymore

an enlightened feeling
doesn't come without the pain
or the bruises of months past
slightly tender to the touch even now
but i'm healing
standing as

a calming breeze blows across my face
as i hear your name over and again
mind at peace and arms open wide
to let go and receive what i can

it might take a little more time
months or days
but i'm on the right path
heart slowly walking away

a calming breeze blows across my face

whispering your name again

but i no longer react in the way i once did

content with what i have

and ready to search for more

than you can give

heal

time is not on my side
but for what it's done for me
i suppose i should be thankful

after months of thunderstorm days
and rainy nights
i can truly see the sun and blue skies

to say i've learned much
is an understatement;
loves come and go but friends are forever

learned that to love someone
without getting love back
is an unselfish kind of love

that just because i care more
doesn't mean you don't care back
even though sometimes it seems that way

time to be thankful for the moments we have
not anguish over the ones we don't
to smile when you bring one to my face
and not to break inside when that's all you gave

today is the day to start
finally living by these words
open hearts, open arms, open mind
stop fighting and feel the peace
for the first time in a long time

value

breatheinbreatheout
need to take things
at face value again
imagination running too far away
for me to catch and hold on
just want one day
happy, cheerful, at peace
rather than a week's worth
of sad, pain, turmoil
breathe in deeply again

breathe out
happy thoughts
looking forward
take my life at face value
focus on anything but that 
find a new love
listen to a new song

let go

tomorrow will be a better day

untitled #1

learned how to love

what is love

what isn't love

from the love i gave

not the love i got back

today

is a brand new day
the day i realized i wished to
be as passionate and steadfast
about my future
as i am about you

not easy as it seems
still struggling against these emotions
i wish i didn't have of you
and of others because
none of you deserve this

can feel the dynamic change
a sudden shift when you leave the room
relief and resignation at the same time
but i've learned
love shouldn't be this way

today i'm getting better
slowly detaching myself from
all the care i put into you
i could push away completely
cut away all that is you
but i can't be so cruel to you
or to me

inhale.exhale.

close my eyes and
try to be at peace with the world
inhale, lungs expanding
exhale, breathing out
maybe tomorrow doesn't look too bad
though today feels like the world is
crashing down on my shoulders
but you're not the only one in this world
no matter how sometimes i feel
you might be
make these thoughts go away
help me return to a state
when this love skimmed the surface
when i could look around and
feel simple joy of this company i'm in
save me from drowning
because its also water i'm inhaling now

ache

always thought i would be strong enough
to be the friend
just the friend
but can't ignore the ache
the little motions and movements
reaching out to you
wishing to tell you the truth
just wondering if you even notice
all the little things i do
and would do
can feel you drifting away
slipping through my fingers like smoke
and i can't call out
and i can't hold onto you
want you to be happy
even though it bruises me inside
its Christmastime
moments of truth and honesty
and all that i should say to you
because don't we deserve some truth in our lives
yet i know another year will pass
another holiday season
mouth still unable to tell you the words
so i wait
as my heart aches a little bit more



*thank you LOVE ACTUALLY

papercut

out of the copier
warm and dusty
paper slides across my palm
turning on edge at the tips of my fingers
cut
such similarity to what you are
warm, smiling, creating happiness
but accidentally on a whim
cut
the very heart of me
you are the papercut 
sliding across my heart

better

in the daylight life doesn't look so bad
as i think of better days
when we both laughed and smiled
without burden
if only i could return
to that simple, happy state of mind
where laughs equated to happiness
and smiles were taken at face value
without the weight of thinking
analyzing every moment, searching for signs
that probably aren't even there
no
finally living the lyrics of my favorite tune
not chasing after you
but chasing the memories
of a place only we knew



*thank you KEANE for "Somewhere Only We Know"

pendulum

the pendulum swings again
and again I fall
heart crying on the inside
inability to move on the outside
the ocean of water that flows between
i can't swim across
just want this to stop
want time to stop, rewind, fast forward
anything but here and now
if crying it all out
would erase your name
i would shout it from the rooftops
but my voice is trapped
in the box i gave you