Where are the tears?

So, I think I've fallen in love again with writing on a blog even if it's only me that's reading this.

Today I got a twinge of tears for graduation, induced by a "great job" and a "thank you for meeting the deadline" on my speech. It's weird that that should be the trigger for tears (but it wasn't even really real tears, just a slight sniffle and a twinge of my nose). But I guess now it's starting to slowly dawn on me that I'm leaving. I'M LEAVING.

Last year, I started crying even if it wasn't my turn to leave. But this year, I feel strangely hollow and unemotional. When I think about graduation, I think of a ceremony and nothing more. When I think about signing yearbooks, I think of the entries, but not of the meaning that those are the LAST high school entries, ever! When I think about college, it's just this big thing, that's bigger than me or anything I could have ever encountered in high school, and it's just THERE.

I can't get myself all worked up, even though I probably should. It's abnormal to feel so hollow, so unfeeling, so empty.... but right now, with less than a week to go, graduation is just a date, just a night, just people in caps and gowns.