Where are the tears?

So, I think I've fallen in love again with writing on a blog even if it's only me that's reading this.

Today I got a twinge of tears for graduation, induced by a "great job" and a "thank you for meeting the deadline" on my speech. It's weird that that should be the trigger for tears (but it wasn't even really real tears, just a slight sniffle and a twinge of my nose). But I guess now it's starting to slowly dawn on me that I'm leaving. I'M LEAVING.

Last year, I started crying even if it wasn't my turn to leave. But this year, I feel strangely hollow and unemotional. When I think about graduation, I think of a ceremony and nothing more. When I think about signing yearbooks, I think of the entries, but not of the meaning that those are the LAST high school entries, ever! When I think about college, it's just this big thing, that's bigger than me or anything I could have ever encountered in high school, and it's just THERE.

I can't get myself all worked up, even though I probably should. It's abnormal to feel so hollow, so unfeeling, so empty.... but right now, with less than a week to go, graduation is just a date, just a night, just people in caps and gowns.

Miss

I no longer have a dilemma of choices --- I chose what I think is fate for me and that's that.

Senior year is drawing to a close, and my high school career is over too. Ending the year on a very high note, a happy note, and a bit of a sad note. I'm going to miss all the fun, especially over the past year. I'm going to miss all the things that I can't put into words or online. I'm going to miss laughing and having fun, and I'm going to miss the stomachaches that come with laughing so hard. I'm going to miss taking random pictures and passing notes in class. I'm going to miss falling asleep to certain lectures. I'm going to miss the drama and the fun and the happy and the lonely and the tears and the music and the dancing and the film and the movies and the food and the coffee and the grades and the tests and the physics projects and the failures and the history tests.

I want fun in college and hard classes and new friends and winning football games and spirit games and concerts and new foods. Four years will go by so fast again, and I want things after that too. But maybe, for another day...