perfection

true perfection has no existence
a figment of our imaginations
viewed through rose colored glasses

perfection does exist
not in the individual
but in the unit they create

in the end all just trial and error
until the discovery of the piece that fits
into the heart-shaped hole in your chest

present tense

never had to walk this line before

between protecting myself

and destroying ourselves

caught between being happy in the present

worried about the future

and haunted by what was before 

so hold my tongue 

and calm my soul 

erase the words I used to know

clarity

clarity shines through in a moment

of sun rays and dust 

watching the world through rose-colored lenses again 

blurring the lines of wrong and right

never settling for less than everything 

would it be harder to push away now

or harder to let go later?

is the present worth the future

and everything it will not hold? 

gray

stop and go
right and wrong
no room for error or for gray

but what happens
when gray is all there is
and a heart that says yes
but a mind that says no?

mute

open eyes

but there's no sight

open mouth

but there's no words

open lungs

but there's no oxygen

actions and reactions

cause and effect

vocal cords 

now a phantom limb 

melt

stories and words carved in ice
flying shards of cold water
only to melt at the slightest touch
and the words melted as slow
as once were carved

ba da ba da ba da ba ba
open arms and closed eyes
feel a fire burning
brighter than sunshine
heat melting ice to nothingness

reckless

rose petals soft to the touch
fragrant red and vibrant perfume
where have you gone again
gone for the day or gone forever

all that's left are thorns and bee stings
the small things that hurt the most
no u-turns on this one way street
nowhere to go but on

so drive fast and reckless
anything to feel something
other than the nothingness
that was left behind

left to hold

coral and purple scarf
bracelets of yellow and blue
wearing the memories of a good thing

but i slip through slim fingers
with nothing left to hold
and just a picture in my mind

this time

set fire

go 90 in a 65 zone
red taillights against a black sky
guitar solos and a steady beat
matching a pulse

not much heart left in me tonight
carved it out
set it on fire
and watched it burn

like a bad John Mayer song
living lies in a burning room
keep the good
and throw the rest

book-tax temporary differences
and everything meaningful in life
all just a matter of one thing



timing

anything

"anything other than yes is no
anything other than stay is go
anything other than i love you is lying"*

but life is cruel
never black and white
middle grounds torn apart
a cold wind and dry eyes
and it's
everything i never wanted

*john mayer

mirrors

easy to throw a mirror to the ground
harder to pick up the shattered pieces
easy to write love letters
harder to tear them apart

remembering a taste, a touch
halo effect of everything that had been
close my windows to the world
and let the rain wash me away

remembering a look, those eyes
but never stopped gazing over the gate
carve out a hole, fill it with those pieces
jump into the deep blue but i don't swim

remembering all the endings
and missing the way they did
the further the road traveled
the more in the rearview to miss

fire

a ring of fire enveloped me today
blood bubbled within
rising and rising until

bubbled over and out
drops that rolled down the hill
burning cold on my skin

born to play with fire
but it ends up the same
something, someone ends up in flames

sails

water rushes past metal sheets
stare out to the horizon line
past the trees and the mountains
looking up to the sky of white on blue

listened to songs I once loved for the voices
but today I felt the words
with a boat to sail away on
and a plane to fly away on

distance to travel unknown
patience for peace ever elusive
if had jumped overboard into the deep blue
no one would have blinked

until too late

price

sleepless nights and a bottle of tears
the price you pay for playing with fire

struggling constantly to find oxygen
reasons and excuses that become truths

but the beauty of this burning
keeps me mesmerized from the start

and I keep on pushing the limits of my soul
and the corners of my heart for this

?

"happy is the heart that still feels pain"

I've never known truer words than those
what is life without contrast?
to define pleasure, we must hurt
to define good, there must be a bad

love shouldn't be a battlefield
but oh some days it feels like it
torn between the right thing
and the easy thing
torn between what you need
and what you want
torn between holding on for dear life
and walking away for the greater good

always been about fight or flight
flying was always the easy way out
but choosing between what is easy
and what should be?

...the questions with no answers

scattered notes

One, two, three
Paper boxes that hold bits and pieces
Compartmentalizing my life
Just like I do all the time
Keeping life in near square boxes
But when all I want to do is keep one big box
To hold everyone and everything together
Mess me up a little
Tear down the walls a little

Unwrap the sheets around your thoughts
Don't give me a reason, an excuse
Feels like I'm on that roller coaster again
Not just someone to hold
But someone to hold for
Weights on your shoulders
Doesn't have to be all yours alone
Not asking for the caring, only for the sharing

searching

Waiting for redemption
Struggling to escape the past that haunts me
Unsure of what I did wrong all those times
Or was it just the choices I make?

Wishing I was a little bit braver
A little bit stronger
Anything so that this beating
Heart can stop hurting

It's a tearstained keyboard
And I could try to talk myself into sanity
But I know me too well
To be able to live a lie

the old songs

photographs and memories
pictures of those i love and those i miss
but nothing takes me back
like the tune of a familiar song

close my eyes and i can see
young girl of fourteen
listening to the words they sing
trying to imagine the love and
the heartache from every guitar string

years later on
close my eyes and i can feel
every feeling i felt
the longing from the song of a foreign tongue 
the bliss of a carefree and optimistic voice
the heartache from a melancholy guitar solo

every minute a memory
forever etched in the folds of my brain
carved into a soft heart of glass

fools

roads are long and so foggy I can't see
where am I headed? where are we going?
living from the day to day wondering about tomorrow
and everything under the sun

so come walk with me for just a little bit
show me that today is a good day
sing a song we both remember
and just take all that i have

heartaches that pulled apart the ribcage
naked red beating hearts fragile in our hands
scared to the end of time but waiting for just one moment 
oh aren't we all just fools in love?

dreamers and believers

The dreamer and the believer
Walked hand in hand
Sandy beaches and concrete roads
The dreamer paused and looked around
Saw the idealized life
Made up beauty through rose colored glasses
But the believer saw too much
From its own travels of the past
only saw the skeletons of an idealistic time

Together the dreamer and the believer walked on
Each striving to take the lead on the dance floor
called life