Wednesday, December 29, 2010

the snow and the skin

you are the skin
and i am the snow
my heart a collection of frozen parts
snowflakes that fall
parts that you have chipped away

and they fly and fall with the wind
small and intact
hardened with resolve
but when they land on your skin
they melt at your touch
all the resolve i ever had
gone at your fingertips again

Saturday, December 25, 2010

oh

oh what a year is today
almost near a lifetime lived
in 360 days

spring began with the bitter cold
and mists of a 3am morning
found a white rabbit
and fell into a hole chasing him
day in and day out
only one on my mind

summer arrived with the heat
and the sun and promise of something
new, exciting, but not without pain
still i walk on in hopes of something good

as fast as it ever was
summer slid into fall
and my hair fell down as the winds blew
and so did the tears that came with the love

standing in the middle of winter now
and the edge of a new year
which way will the wind carry me
this time?

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

other side

August 23
heart full of optimism
organized and pretty notebooks
plain pages full of potential 

September 3
almost ready to break down
night after night of endlessness
in the library taking a toll

September 15
sitting, waiting, wishing
weeks of preparation and 16 hours
coming down to one glass prism 
I call a part of mine 

October 1
excitement usually a good thing
coinciding with responsibility
but only if it's worth it

November 9
wake up calls like cold water on my skin
because fairy tales don't exist
and never really have

December 15
standing on the other side
seeing shades of greys and pinks
life is only a balancing act
of wants and needs
desires and reality

and so i ask
when is enough, enough?






Monday, December 13, 2010

never

my heart is only a muscle
not made of steel or glass
contracts and expands with the wind
hurts and loves with time

if anything i've learned this year
is i can't control how it feels 
and some days it will contract and hurt
and other days it will expand and love

all i know is that things worth fighting for
i should never give up on 

Saturday, December 11, 2010

defense

climbing up and up
to the top of the world
success
perhaps

but at what cost
of defending
everything you ever stand to lose

the higher you climb
the further you have to fall
and so the stronger you fight
to defend what's yours

the world can take it
too easily away

searching

turning over stones
like the folds in my brain
unraveling the yarns of a scarf
tied too tight around my neck

trying to find the reason
for everything 
old thoughts and perceptions
shattered like shards of glass

and i'm trying to figure this out
growing up, growing old
realizing everything that needs to get done
before the sunsets of another day

where does this leave me
empty handed
a big heart half empty

Sunday, December 05, 2010

no one else

woke up this morning
head splitting
and heart beating
tossing and turning through the night
unable to sleep
unable to control
the physical stress of
a life that finally caught up to me

walking at half pace now
through water and a breeze
a dark sky lightened by rainclouds
cold, hungry, and a tired heart
i always knew this was the case
but never truly understood until now
no one else to take care of me
but me

Thursday, December 02, 2010

weight

some days
the resolve to let go
is stronger than others 

but then a little bit
small part of you returns
and i fall back in again 

this cycle of take and give
is all too tiring 
chipping away slowly 

and the silence sits
like a weight on my chest
making it all too hard to breathe