sleepless nights spent
in company with the most amazing
and talented people I've ever known
the home called Club Leavey
gray wall prisons that
don't keep track of time ticking away
until its 4AM
and you realize you're almost
on the other side of dawn
learning so much
smuggling food as an art form
in plain sight of library cops
calculating WACC and NPV
from numbers that just seem to appear
slightly OCD over PowerPoint slides
counting pixels and debating colors

camel milk was a legen-dairy idea
LBOs not so much
Nerd Corps could trump the Geek Squad
and Disney should open a factory of making Mileys

so this is where all the real players are
work hard
play harder
30 hours spent with
brilliant people
funny people
amazing people
late night dessert trips
pizza joints our favorite spots
if only i could have a semester's worth
of Friday afternoons

so this is what home feels like

space

hands grab desperately

at the air but i catch

nothing

the sun is out against

a bright blue sky

and i can't think anymore

where you used to be 

is now just empty space

abandoned real estate

until the next home comes along

i need to fill this space

with something

anything

because where you used to be

is a clean white slate

know

know that i lived this time
dipped my toes
into the deep of the pool
and fell in this mess

know that i loved you too
that you were always
on my mind
and in my thoughts

know that for a moment
you were the puppeteer
to this puppet heart
taking control

but today i start a new life
this chapter is over
and it's time to write a new song
and i thank you for
the moments we had

sing

anthemic guitars
and heart-pounding drums
are all i need
to feel the beat
pulsing through my veins

and all i want
is to find an open space
middle of a tall grass field
and fall to my knees
with the music around me

close my eyes
turn my head up to the sky
and sing until
this voice breaks with volume
and i can't breathe in anymore

a simple cathartic request
so easy to imagine
yet so hard to find

i would

i want to give you the time
and the space to figure
it all out

i would wait for you
if i knew you would wait
for me too

but i can't do this
i can't wait for something
i don't even know will ever be

i'm too scared to say the words
but i feel it when i see the little things
and everyone looks like you

tell me now
even a little sign
and i'll wait for you

but time moves on
and i have no choice
but to follow it because standing still
is not what i'm meant to do

surgery

i can feel it spreading
weeks ago
would've brought a warm feeling
to this soul

but now i just
need it to leave me be
overstayed its welcome
it's not a friend anymore

if only i could take a scalpel
and cut these memories
out of my mind
take an eraser
and undo all that i've been through
for you

wake up the next day
and maybe I'll be thankful
for all that I was given
and things will be sane again

UP

roses and chocolates
a life of wealth
a home of luxury
none of that is relevant
i realize

a simple life
full of caring love
building a life
with one person

what i would give
to sweep the floors
and paint the walls
and enjoy the sunshine rain
with you

a simple life
innocently lived
driving over speed bumps as they come
but i'd travel forever
if only with you

math

take the lyrics
add a guitar or two
subtract noise
multiply the bass
add the keys of a piano
and divide by the drum beats
add a violin or a cello for effect
multiplied by the strums of a ukulele

this equation can be simple
but you can take the derivative of the chorus
for the bridge
or write a new one completely
music as a painting
and melodies as paint brushes
but it's the mathematical properties
of this song
that make a perfect equation
for the ears to solve

duet

voices entwined
something simply beautiful
he sings
she replies

simple story
back to the basics
of his thoughts
and her love

looking for someone (you)
to complete this duet
because this melody
is even more beautiful
with two

little things

i don't say the words
too scared, too shy
but i feel them
with every fiber of being

i feel this
when you come to mind
when you appear

i feel this
when everyone looks like you
when you're on my side

i feel you
even for just a minute
fragile in your hugs

i feel this
uncertainty of everything
you do
and everything
i am

cry

people view it as only 
one dimensional
but crying is more than just sadness
or hurt
or pain

to create tearstains on my face
doesn't take much
but i don't cry out of sadness
or hurt
or pain

but rather
for the beauty of heartfelt writing
for heart-wrenching films, truth or fiction
for snapshots of life's miracles
for the experiences i hope to have
for the moments i wish to never end
for the burdens i wish sometimes weren't mine
and for the pure and simple
joy of living

tears don't fall only for the bad times
the good times deserve them too

closed

eyes closed

as i sit in the blue water

sift through grains of sand

the sea floor flowing through my fingers

eyes closed

sun is hot on my shoulders

lips are salty from the ocean 

and a breeze tickling my neck 

eyes closed

and I let the waves push 

and pull me 

without any effort of my own 

eyes closed

breathing in a light and crisp air

as the water runs over

and all around my skin 

eyes closed

heart beating still 

but I still can't

wash away those thoughts of you 

time machine

time machines are real
but only in our minds
close my eyes
and take me back to the moment
where I was happy
and life was simple


moments when you made me smile
when I didn't have to face 
the harsh reality of the next moments
without you in them 


moments of a happy heart
an unburdened mind
when simple things were only that
when stress didn't bring up my fears
and caffeine didn't make me shake


the ability to replay these moments
over and over the theater of my mind
bring a simultaneous joy and sadness
not because I've lived them
but because I'll never live them again 

walk

walking away from this

from you

before it falls apart completely

seems to be the most logical

I can't create you and me

all on my own

I can only be me

and the rest is up to you

feelings of powerlessness

so I give up

and I'll walk on, walk on

until I can find my strength again 

regrets

regret

things I wish I'd done

words I wish I'd spoken

emotions I wish I didn't feel 

regret

chances I wish I'd taken

hands I wish I hadn't held 

moments I wish would last forever

but time rolls on 

for a moment in the water

let the waves bring me in

and pull me out 

moving forward with time

but this retrograde ellipse motion

keeps me from moving on 

until I'm in caught in a cycle 

inability to escape  

stand

it's not the moments I wish I had
or the moments I wish I didn't
I only wish for one thing

for time to stand still
during the best moments of my life
and live them forever